Hiatus

All of my friends and family have probably given up on me. Most of you have probably stopped looking at my blog, because you think I have fallen off the face of the earth. Months from now you will think to yourself, "Well, maybe she has finally gotten her act together. I doubt it, but it doesn't hurt to check again." And you will find that I am alive, and that I do occasionally--though probably not consistently--find my way back into a rhythm of things that includes a little time to spout nonsense and bits of news on my little blog.
So, what have I been doing with myself the last few months? you may ask. [Even if you don't, this is my blog, and I can do whatever I want.] Well, the easy answer is, I don't know. That's rather pathetic, but it is amazing to me how time speeds by, and then school starts and you think, "What happened to summer? I had all these plans..." and then New Year is here, and you think, "Can it really be January? How did it get here so fast?" At the moment I am feeling a rather curious mix of emotions. Part of me feels a little panicked, and is urging myself not to waste time, to get up and catch up, and do things that matter, and that will make memories, so that I can look back and see that I have accomplished something. So that when people ask what I've been up to I actually have an answer. Sleep? Are you kidding? What are you thinking?!? Get up! Get busy! Do something! A great writer friend of mine recently wrote a poem. The last stanza goes:

Thus, if you wish

your worth to prove,

don't just stand there--

Move! Move! Move!

[He is fabulously talented, although his vocabulary is completely out of my range sometimes. If you'd like to check him out try Tolkien Boy's Blog. I especially like his story about the Divorce of the Moon and the Earth. (You'll have to scroll to the top, I don't know why it's linking to the bottom where the comments are)]

Anyway, I am meandering. Although I doubt that it matters much... this particular post is not meant for entertainment, or information, I just felt a need to write. Hee, hee, I'm still wandering. The point is, it's quite an odd feeling to have a part of you feeling anxious about all that is not getting done, and another (larger, and stronger most of the time) part of you feeling tired and give-upist. That's not exactly what I mean. That sort-of makes it sound like I am depressed, and I'm not most of the time. I just... well, I walk through the kitchen, and I pause and look at the dishes piled high, and think about doing something about it... and then I pick up a book. I walk into my bedroom and see the heap of laundry falling out of the basket, and I think about starting a load before I go to bed... and then I turn out the light. I go downstairs to feed the cat and look at his litter box... and promise him I'll take care of it tomorrow. It's no wonder I am so horribly behind. I have only myself to blame.

And, I suppose that comes back around to my poor little blog. I did have massive amounts of computer issues that put me behind in my e-mail, my family pages and information, not to mention the bill or two that I paid late... I am way too reliant on technology... but, who isn't? But, my computer has been healed for a while now, and I am still behind. Part of the problem in this instance, is that a part of me feels like I shouldn't get on until I am ready to catch up and do it right. And, add the pictures to my story about the poor truck, etc, etc... But, tonight my need to expurgate (a word I think I prolly picked up from TB, and am quite possibly misusing) my conscious, rambling thoughts won that battle. So, here I am. Writing what probably is rather meaningless, confusing silliness... sending my thoughts out of my head and into the void that is cyberspace... All of the sudden I am struck by the immensity of the world wide web. It is really quite a mystery to me. Where do all the billions of pages and e-mails and videos and pictures and... gosh. Anyway, where does all that go when I turn off my computer? It's all out there, floating around, waiting for me to Google something... and then there it is! Right in front of me. And, here I am, sending more of it into that amazingly humongous space that is out there...

I should probably apologize to the poor souls who find my ramblings here tonight... But, I'm not going to. I'm done. My brain is feeling mushy now, and I suppose that is what I was after. So, to you who made it all the way to the end of this mess, I say... goodnight.